god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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