I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
