Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
