Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just had sex on a roof
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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