Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
