just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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