I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
