Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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