textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
