batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
