you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
