i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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