I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
