Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
