so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
