She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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