he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
