i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
