when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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