Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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