You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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