"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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