you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
it's like iHOP with fire
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
