i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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