Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
