I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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