I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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