Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She has the best kind of daddy issues
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
