so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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