I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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