I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she smelled like a LAN party
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
