I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
