If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
