i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
