So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
