she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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