how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
