i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
