Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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