i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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