ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
