This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
