I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
When did angry sex become our thing?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
