he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
