Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
