I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
