I will die if light touches me.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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