weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
