Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
