He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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