My room smells like vodka and shame
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
