Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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