Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
from now on my penis is your penis
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
