They should really pass out barf bags in church
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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