If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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