Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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