remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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