It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
