What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just want to make out with him forever
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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