oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
