I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
handjob tips. give me some.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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