just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
