just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
