so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
