do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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