Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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