How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
