Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
