he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
