420 ftw
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
