so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
