Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
