Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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