there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize