PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
