You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
