hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
