i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
