yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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