He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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