my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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