She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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