Pants 0. Shit 1.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
