I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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