watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
