In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
