We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
