how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
