dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
