Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
