i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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